IF Kipling was a Grad Student

IF kipling was a grad student

If you can keep your hypothesis, when all about you
Are scrapping theirs and saying you should too,
If you can trust your calculations when all PIs doubt you,
But make allowance for poor maths skills too;
If you can incubate, and not be tired by waiting,
Or review papers, and see though bare faced lies,
Or do westerns, and don’t give way to hating,
And not be too upset about your cell cultures demise:

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The Science of Healing Touch (or alternatively, how magic hands work)

The Reiki is strong in this one

The basics are as follows:

Human energy field/Aura/Reiki is a field of energy that surrounds and penetrates the body and also emits from every living thing (like the force, just less exciting). They even have a colour (if you are particularly aware) that depends on your base emotional state.

A healing touch practitioner is able to interact with this field and remove any blocks to the ‘vital flow of energy’ that a patient may have. This then allows the now considerably fiscally poorer patient to absorb more energy from the universe (I can only assume they mean background radiation) to speed up healing. All this without requiring any of that nasty medical equipment that would only clutter up the place, increase overheads and leave less space for fairy themed paraphernalia.

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What news reports on science actually mean…

Its surprising how many times major diseases have been cured by scientists, according to major news outlets that is. As a result, there is often a certain degree of disappointment when the truth finally comes out that they have actually only cured Alzheimer’s disease in flies. However, have no fear. To help un-muddy the water, here’s a quick insiders journalist-scientists translation guide.

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How homeopathy works

Lets nip this in the bud. It doesn’t. I believe its been best explained by Tim Minchin:

“Alternative Medicine has either not been proved to work, or been proved not to work. You know what they call alternative medicine that’s been proved to work? Medicine.”

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Developed counties not using SI units

So I understand changing up your system of measurement could be a bit of a chore. And I completely understand clinging on to a temperature scale based on fish brine smoothies for nostalgia. I get it, its quirky. Like totally makes sense. But even the kings of holding onto archaic traditions, the UK, have manage to wriggle free of its irrational grip and have put in a decent effort. Yes, we’re all looking at you USA…

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Why do you fall asleep after Christmas dinner?

So it’s Christmas, meaning it’s time to trash your liver, grab fistfuls of butter in your chubby little hands before shovelling it in the general direction of your face. This of course climaxes in the alcohol-fogged turkey slugfest, over who has the rights to the last of the gravy and important life decisions such as whether it’s considered good form to stab someone in the face with a cheese knife for telling repetitive stories. After this, and only then, can people disperse (barring serious injuries in the previous melee) to their separate corners of the house and lick their wounds before getting down into a foetal position and sleeping like a baby.

The Bird - 2007
Don’t worry, its a stunt turkey…

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